I was over him until he literally walked back into my life.

ever fallen in love with someoen you shouldn't have

It’s been just over two years since I last saw him in person.

It’s been almost a year since we spoke the last time via text.

It’s been three and a half months since I felt strongly enough about him to put forth the effort in writing on my blog about it.

Essentially, it took me two years to get over him.

Our last conversation – 07/02/2012
Me: Do you still think of me? 12:12 AM
Him: No. 12:13 AM
Me: Fair enough. Safe travels. 12:14 AM (He was planning a trip to Europe when we spoke a few months earlier.)
Me: I hope our paths cross again once you’ve matured a bit in some aspects. 12:20 AM
Him: I do 12:22 AM  (I assume he meant “I don’t.”)
Me: You do what? 12:22 AM
Him: I’m seeing someone. Someone I enjoy completely. 12:27 AM
Him: I love her, really. 12:28 AM
Him: I don’t want you in my life at all. In any capacity. Ever. 12:29 AM
Me: I’m happy for you. 12:29 AM
Him: Good. Stop contacting me. 12:30 AM
Me: Why is that? 12:30 AM
Me: I mean I don’t intend to continue. I’m just curious. 12:31 AM
Him: Because I tell her everything, and she doesn’t really enjoy me receiving texts from random women, especially when we’re lying together. 12:34 AM
Him: As a courtesy to us, just stop. 12:34 AM
Him: Bye (name). 12:35 AM
Me: Haha. 12:35 AM  (I laughed because he doesn’t tell anyone everything.)
Me: Bye (name). 12:36 AM

All of that changed on Thursday, May 23, 2013 at around 12:15pm CST.  He showed up at my place of employment.  (I’m sure he didn’t tell his girlfriend about that.)

I’ll spare you the details, but when I saw him, I was certainly not elated like I had always pictured I would be.  I was confused and I was frustrated.  He only had about an hour to spend with me, so after I decided to stop being a bitch (“Be cordial”, he said.  Seriously!?), we went out for lunch.

I thought to myself, “Okay, you can either have a shitty last time together or you can make the best of it.”  I decided to make the best of it… to get the closure I needed.  We had a couple of laughs… and I asked him for a hug at the end of the visit.  We held on for a minimum of 60 seconds; during this time he kissed my head a few times just like before.  He said he was thinking about the first day we spent together and how it was a bit awkward until we shared a fairly lengthy hug.  We parted, with him telling me to “have a nice life.”

I sent him a txt right after he left letting him know it was nice seeing him again and to have fun with his pain in the ass girlfriend (light-heartedly;  he had told me how much of a PITA she was during our drive back to my employer.)  He responded a few hours later with “:3″ and that was it.

I’ve stopped myself multiple times from sending another txt.  That’s mainly why I’m writing this post; it’s a way to (sort of) distract myself from speaking directly to him.   He would enjoy that way too much (he’s a sociopath – he’d get enjoyment out of knowing he still has a hold on me after all this time).

I still don’t believe he went 45 minutes out of his way (he flies all over the country for work) to “just to see how I was doing.” I firmly believe he did it to torture the fuck out of me.  I was fine for a few hours after he left.  Then guess what?  Mission accomplished.  I am so fucking broken down it’s ridiculous.

It took just over two years since I got over him the first time; I don’t even want to imagine how long it’s going to take me to get over this.

one person you'll never get over