I was over him until he literally walked back into my life.

ever fallen in love with someoen you shouldn't have

It’s been just over two years since I last saw him in person.

It’s been almost a year since we spoke the last time via text.

It’s been three and a half months since I felt strongly enough about him to put forth the effort in writing on my blog about it.

Essentially, it took me two years to get over him.

Our last conversation – 07/02/2012
Me: Do you still think of me? 12:12 AM
Him: No. 12:13 AM
Me: Fair enough. Safe travels. 12:14 AM (He was planning a trip to Europe when we spoke a few months earlier.)
Me: I hope our paths cross again once you’ve matured a bit in some aspects. 12:20 AM
Him: I do 12:22 AM  (I assume he meant “I don’t.”)
Me: You do what? 12:22 AM
Him: I’m seeing someone. Someone I enjoy completely. 12:27 AM
Him: I love her, really. 12:28 AM
Him: I don’t want you in my life at all. In any capacity. Ever. 12:29 AM
Me: I’m happy for you. 12:29 AM
Him: Good. Stop contacting me. 12:30 AM
Me: Why is that? 12:30 AM
Me: I mean I don’t intend to continue. I’m just curious. 12:31 AM
Him: Because I tell her everything, and she doesn’t really enjoy me receiving texts from random women, especially when we’re lying together. 12:34 AM
Him: As a courtesy to us, just stop. 12:34 AM
Him: Bye (name). 12:35 AM
Me: Haha. 12:35 AM  (I laughed because he doesn’t tell anyone everything.)
Me: Bye (name). 12:36 AM

All of that changed on Thursday, May 23, 2013 at around 12:15pm CST.  He showed up at my place of employment.  (I’m sure he didn’t tell his girlfriend about that.)

I’ll spare you the details, but when I saw him, I was certainly not elated like I had always pictured I would be.  I was confused and I was frustrated.  He only had about an hour to spend with me, so after I decided to stop being a bitch (“Be cordial”, he said.  Seriously!?), we went out for lunch.

I thought to myself, “Okay, you can either have a shitty last time together or you can make the best of it.”  I decided to make the best of it… to get the closure I needed.  We had a couple of laughs… and I asked him for a hug at the end of the visit.  We held on for a minimum of 60 seconds; during this time he kissed my head a few times just like before.  He said he was thinking about the first day we spent together and how it was a bit awkward until we shared a fairly lengthy hug.  We parted, with him telling me to “have a nice life.”

I sent him a txt right after he left letting him know it was nice seeing him again and to have fun with his pain in the ass girlfriend (light-heartedly;  he had told me how much of a PITA she was during our drive back to my employer.)  He responded a few hours later with “:3″ and that was it.

I’ve stopped myself multiple times from sending another txt.  That’s mainly why I’m writing this post; it’s a way to (sort of) distract myself from speaking directly to him.   He would enjoy that way too much (he’s a sociopath – he’d get enjoyment out of knowing he still has a hold on me after all this time).

I still don’t believe he went 45 minutes out of his way (he flies all over the country for work) to “just to see how I was doing.” I firmly believe he did it to torture the fuck out of me.  I was fine for a few hours after he left.  Then guess what?  Mission accomplished.  I am so fucking broken down it’s ridiculous.

It took just over two years since I got over him the first time; I don’t even want to imagine how long it’s going to take me to get over this.

one person you'll never get over

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4 thoughts on “I was over him until he literally walked back into my life.

  1. I’m sorry to hear about your struggle to get over this person. I know I’m still trying to get over someone like that, complete with the games. There’s always someone that keeps you holding on. So, focus on yourself, continuing to heal.

    Reply
    • It’s so true, isn’t it? If it’s not this person it would be someone else. I hope you’re further along in your own struggle and that the person you’re trying to get over doesn’t ever-so-casually show up to your work halfway across the country just to see how you’re doing. (lol I have to laugh… does he really think I believe that? Does he really think I’m not naive?)

      It doesn’t help that I’m incredibly nostalgic. So, I’ll torture myself even further by reliving the past and reading old conversations. Sociopaths don’t do that, though. They grieve an extremely short amount of time, don’t relive the past, and move on like nothing has happened. At least, what I know about sociopaths anyway.

      Thank you for reading… and thank you even more for responding. It’s nice to connect with someone who knows, even though I know most people go through this at some point.

      Reply
      • Mine uses other methods to keep tabs on me, making moving on really hard. My kids beg for him too, making it worse. But your blog is amazing, looking forward to reading more!

        Reply
        • Thank you for the compliment! I have stayed away from blogging for the past few months because I lost sight of what mattered most… me. It just so happens that him coming back into my life refueled my desire to improve myself. So hopefully I’ll be blogging a bit more again.

          That’s really unfortunate that you aren’t able to make a clean break from him. It definitely would make things more difficult. I’ll have to read up on your blog soon! 🙂

          Reply

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