I fell in love with a man who didn’t exist. ||| Starting Over

This is for the Writing Challenge: Starting Over, and it’s something I’ve needed to write for a long time.

G,

When I met you, you made me start over.  You made me think things I never thought before, want things I never wanted, believe things I never imagined I would believe. I wanted nothing more than to leave everything behind and start a new life with you.  I would have alienated myself from almost everyone, but it didn’t matter.  I loved you that much.  Or rather, I loved the person I thought you were.

You challenged me.
You never tolerated my excuses.
You gave me more confidence than I’d ever had before.
You gave me more hope than I ever imagined to be possible.
You loved me in such a way – passionate, uninhibited and with reckless abandon; it was the type of love/lust/infatuation I had never experienced in my 31 years of life.

All I wanted was you… was us… and nothing else mattered to me.

Then I woke up. I woke up to your absence; I woke up to reality. I woke up to my new beginning, and now I’m starting over again.

While I regret some of my actions during those 10 months, I don’t regret knowing you.  Because of you and your sociopathic tendencies, I am a much stronger person now. Most people would have thought I was crazy if they had known even half of what I went through with you and all of the emotional abuse you introduced into my life.  That being said, you can’t take all of the credit.  I’m the one who chose to react how I did.  While you brought things into my life that no one else ever had, I came out virtually unscathed because of myself.  Not because of you.

You never existed; I’m glad you’re gone.

-E.

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