*BAM!* I jump as the door slams behind me. I can’t see; there’s no light. There’s not even a window.
What am I going to do? My eyes will never adjust to this! How am I going make my way without falling? How am I going to survive if I don’t know what’s coming? I can’t do this. Ican’tdothisIcan’tdothis!
I slowly crouch down and sit on the floor. I begin to cry because I don’t know what else to do.
What…..what is that?!
My heart pounds even more rapidly now. I frantically look around, as if I am able to see through the thick blackness. It feels so constrictive – as if someone has shrouded me in such a way that I cannot move.
Am I suffocating? Oh my god, I’m suffocating! It’s absolutely crippling me! It’s only been a few minutes, right? I’ve only been in here a few minutes… RIGHT? It feels like it’s been hours, and I haven’t done anything except sit on my ass and cry. I still can’t see anything. I can’t do anything because I’m wearing shackles. I can’t move. What if there’s a hole over there? What if I fall in? What if I make a mistake that I can’t recover from? What if…?
No. Nonono! I can’t! I won’t! I’ll just sit here. This, right here… is safe. If I don’t move or don’t do anything, at least I know what it feels like. Then I won’t have to be as scared. I’ll become comfortable sitting right here. Silent and still. Then maybe someone will come looking for me. Maybe someone will rescue me.
But what if no one does? What if I go insane? What if I wither away and die here from starvation? I don’t want to die! But I can’t move!
I hope someone comes soon…
My greatest fears: Fear and inaction due to that fear. I don’t want to let fear stop me from doing the things I want to do. I know what it feels like to be in that room; I never want to allow myself to be held captive again.