It’s been just over two years since I last saw him in person.
It’s been almost a year since we spoke the last time via text.
It’s been three and a half months since I felt strongly enough about him to put forth the effort in writing on my blog about it.
Essentially, it took me two years to get over him.
Me: Do you still think of me? 12:12 AMHim: No. 12:13 AMMe: Fair enough. Safe travels. 12:14 AM (He was planning a trip to Europe when we spoke a few months earlier.)Me: I hope our paths cross again once you’ve matured a bit in some aspects. 12:20 AMHim: I do 12:22 AM (I assume he meant “I don’t.”)Me: You do what? 12:22 AMHim: I’m seeing someone. Someone I enjoy completely. 12:27 AMHim: I love her, really. 12:28 AMHim: I don’t want you in my life at all. In any capacity. Ever. 12:29 AMMe: I’m happy for you. 12:29 AMHim: Good. Stop contacting me. 12:30 AMMe: Why is that? 12:30 AMMe: I mean I don’t intend to continue. I’m just curious. 12:31 AMHim: Because I tell her everything, and she doesn’t really enjoy me receiving texts from random women, especially when we’re lying together. 12:34 AMHim: As a courtesy to us, just stop. 12:34 AMHim: Bye (name). 12:35 AMMe: Haha. 12:35 AM (I laughed because he doesn’t tell anyone everything.)
Me: Bye (name). 12:36 AM
All of that changed on Thursday, May 23, 2013 at around 12:15pm CST. He showed up at my place of employment. (I’m sure he didn’t tell his girlfriend about that.)
I’ll spare you the details, but when I saw him, I was certainly not elated like I had always pictured I would be. I was confused and I was frustrated. He only had about an hour to spend with me, so after I decided to stop being a bitch (“Be cordial”, he said. Seriously!?), we went out for lunch.
I thought to myself, “Okay, you can either have a shitty last time together or you can make the best of it.” I decided to make the best of it… to get the closure I needed. We had a couple of laughs… and I asked him for a hug at the end of the visit. We held on for a minimum of 60 seconds; during this time he kissed my head a few times just like before. He said he was thinking about the first day we spent together and how it was a bit awkward until we shared a fairly lengthy hug. We parted, with him telling me to “have a nice life.”
I sent him a txt right after he left letting him know it was nice seeing him again and to have fun with his pain in the ass girlfriend (light-heartedly; he had told me how much of a PITA she was during our drive back to my employer.) He responded a few hours later with “:3″ and that was it.
I’ve stopped myself multiple times from sending another txt. That’s mainly why I’m writing this post; it’s a way to (sort of) distract myself from speaking directly to him. He would enjoy that way too much (he’s a sociopath – he’d get enjoyment out of knowing he still has a hold on me after all this time).
I still don’t believe he went 45 minutes out of his way (he flies all over the country for work) to “just to see how I was doing.” I firmly believe he did it to torture the fuck out of me. I was fine for a few hours after he left. Then guess what? Mission accomplished. I am so fucking broken down it’s ridiculous.
It took just over two years since I got over him the first time; I don’t even want to imagine how long it’s going to take me to get over this.